Green Eggs and Hamlet
by CinClayr
Summary: A rather humerous (and slightly twisted) dialog between Hamlet and his father's Ghost. PG for violence.


Green Eggs and Hamlet  
  
WARNING: This is slightly twisted, and not horribly Shakespearian.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ghost:  
  
I am Dead  
  
Dead I am  
  
Hamlet:  
  
That stupid ghost  
  
That stupid ghost  
  
I do not like  
  
That stupid ghost  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you like to take revenge?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not like to,  
  
My dead dad  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very bad!  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you kill my brother here or there?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you kill him  
  
Over here?  
  
Would you kill him  
  
With a spear?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you stab him  
  
In his bed?  
  
Put a dagger through  
  
His head?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not stab him  
  
In his bed.  
  
Or put a dagger through  
  
His head.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you, could you  
  
End his power?  
  
Would you push him  
  
Off this tower?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not, could not  
  
End his power.  
  
I would not push him  
  
Off this tower.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you, could you  
  
Hear my case?  
  
Would you strike him  
  
With a mace?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not, will not  
  
Hear your case.  
  
I would not strike him  
  
With a mace.  
  
I would not, could not  
  
End his power.  
  
I would not push him  
  
Off this tower.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you burn him  
  
At the stake?  
  
Would you hit him  
  
With a rake?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not burn him  
  
At the stake.  
  
I would not hit him  
  
With a rake.  
  
I would not, will not  
  
Hear your case.  
  
I would not strike him  
  
With a mace.  
  
I would not, could not  
  
End his power.  
  
I would not push him  
  
Off this tower.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Would you grab him  
  
By his hair?  
  
Would you throw him  
  
Down the stair?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would not grab him  
  
By his hair.  
  
I would not throw him  
  
Down the stair.  
  
I would not burn him  
  
At the stake.  
  
I would not hit him  
  
With a rake.  
  
I would not, will not  
  
Hear your case.  
  
I would not strike him  
  
With a mace.  
  
I would not, could not  
  
End his power.  
  
I would not push him  
  
Off this tower.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
Say!  
  
In the dark!  
  
Here in the dark!  
  
Would you, could you  
  
In the dark?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I would, not could not  
  
In the dark.  
  
I would not grab him  
  
By his hair.  
  
I would not throw him  
  
Down the stair.  
  
I would not burn him  
  
At the stake.  
  
I would not hit him  
  
With a rake.  
  
I would not, will not  
  
Hear your case.  
  
I would not strike him  
  
With a mace.  
  
I would not, could not  
  
End his power.  
  
I would not push him  
  
Off this tower.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I would not kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I would not kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I would not like to  
  
Kill the King,  
  
Killing people's  
  
Very mean.  
  
Ghost:  
  
You do not want to  
  
Kill the king?  
  
What if I could  
  
Make him sing?  
  
What if I could  
  
Do a play,  
  
Which would make him  
  
Rue the day,  
  
That he poured poison  
  
In my ear?  
  
We could make him  
  
Pay so dear!  
  
Hamlet:  
  
Dad,  
  
If you will let me be,  
  
I will try it.  
  
You will see!  
  
Hamlet:  
  
Say!  
  
You're right!  
  
The king's a twit!  
  
I will roast him  
  
On a spit!  
  
I will roast him  
  
'Till he's dead!  
  
Then I will chop off  
  
His head.  
  
I will grab him  
  
By his hair.  
  
I will throw him  
  
Down the stair.  
  
I will burn him  
  
At the stake.  
  
I will hit him  
  
With a rake.  
  
I would and will  
  
Hear your case.  
  
I will strike him  
  
With a mace.  
  
I will and can  
  
End his power.  
  
I will push him  
  
Off this tower.  
  
I will kill him  
  
Over here.  
  
I will kill him  
  
With a spear.  
  
I will kill him  
  
Here or there.  
  
I will kill  
  
Him anywhere.  
  
I am so mad  
  
He killed you dad!  
  
I'll kill the king!  
  
He's very bad!  
  
Hamlet:  
  
I'll kill Polonius,  
  
And Laertes, too!  
  
A killing spree!  
  
Oh whoop-de-doo!  
  
Hamlet:  
  
Drat!  
  
I am poisoned  
  
So I fear.  
  
I fear my end is  
  
Very near.  
  
Hamlet:  
  
Would you make sure  
  
My tale is told?  
  
Would you tell it  
  
Very bold?  
  
Hamlet:  
  
Thank you!  
  
Thank you!  
  
My dead dad,  
  
You've driven me  
  
A little mad.  
  
Hamlet:  
  
As you see,  
  
I've done my best.  
  
Now that damn ghost  
  
Can finally rest.  
  
Hamlet:  
  
My unsolicited and  
  
Horrid violence,  
  
Has caused my death,  
  
"The rest is silence." 


End file.
